When you work in adult retail long enough, you notice a familiar pattern. Customer wander in and scan the shelves with a mix of intrigue and caution. Their eyes pause on something unusual—a metal cage, a leather mask, a clamp they can’t quite figure out. There’s a pause, a head tilt, maybe even a quick laugh. And then, in a half-whisper they ask, “What’s that for?” It’s a question that can make some staff freeze up but it’s also a golden opportunity, because behind that curiosity is a door waiting to be opened. And if you can answer with confidence, warmth, and maybe a little humour, you’re not just explaining a product. You’re sparking a discovery.
Here’s the thing: you’re the specialist they’ve come to for comfort. You don’t have to know every single technical detail about every product. Your role is to spark interest, help them understand why someone might use it, and make space for curiosity without judgment. We live in an age where people are used to Googling everything, but there are still things they feel embarrassed to ask about in public. That’s where you come in. One of my favourite tools for these moments is a simple, gentle phrase: “If you don’t mind me asking…” They’ll either say, “Sure,” and open up, or they’ll let you know they’d rather not share, and you leave it there. If the question comes from a place of genuine compassion and interest, they’ll feel grateful for your help, even if they choose not to answer.
WHEN A SINGLE STORY CHANGES EVERYTHING
I still remember the moment my own perception shifted. I used to think cockcages were all about punishment, locking someone up and leaving them frustrated. But one afternoon, a customer flipped my thinking on its head. “Imagine,” he told me, “not being able to touch your vagina for what feels like the first time. It’s exhilarating.” That one sentence changed everything. Suddenly, the cockcage wasn’t a prison—it was an invitation. A way to stretch anticipation until it practically buzzes in the air. It wasn’t about control in the way I’d imagined. It could be about savouring every second before release.
That’s when I realised the kink world is Wonderland. Alice said it best: “If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrariwise: what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?” In this world, “strange” is just another word for “intriguing,” and the more you let go of rigid expectations, the more you see that nothing is really out of place. It’s just waiting for the right person to see it as everything.
IT’S NOT ABOUT BEING WEIRD—IT’S ABOUT BEING FREE
Take puppy play gear, for example. To an outsider, a hood and a tail might look like costume-party leftovers. But to someone in the scene, it’s about slipping into a whole different mindset—playful, primal, and completely free from human expectations.
One woman told me she and her partner started exploring it as a joke, just a tail plug for a laugh. But the more they played with the dynamic, the more it became a space where she could drop her “day-to-day” stress and be silly, affectionate, and cared for. “It’s not about pretending to be a dog,” she said. “It’s about having permission to be a softer version of myself.”
BEAUTY, BITE AND THE ART OF A CLAMP
And then there are pussy clamps. They often get an eyebrow raise, but here’s the truth: for some, it’s about the pressure, the pinch and the rush of sensation. For others, it’s the look, especially when they sparkle or match a favourite outfit.
I once had a customer pick up a jeweled set and tell me it wasn’t for use at all. She wore them for boudoir photo shoots. It never even made it into the bedroom but it made her feel sensual in front of the camera, and that confidence spilled into her sex life. That’s the thing. What a product is and what it means to someone else are rarely the same thing.
WHEN FUNCTION BECOMES FANTASY
The trick is, you don’t just sell the item—you sell the sensation. I learned this from a spreader bar, of all things. Traditionally, it’s marketed as a bondage accessory, a way to keep someone’s legs apart. But a couple once told me they used it for a completely different reason. He had back issues, and holding her legs up during certain positions was painful. The bar let them keep going without strain. It took the pressure off his shoulders, let her relax without worrying about hurting him, and freed both of them to focus entirely on pleasure.
On that traditional note, sex swings weren’t even invented for pleasure. Originally, they were designed to allow people with limited mobility (such as wheelchair users or those with certain physical disabilities) to experience movement and positioning during intercourse that would otherwise be difficult or impossible. Over time, the pleasure side of swings took centre stage, but their roots are in accessibility, a reminder that innovation in intimacy often comes from finding creative solutions to real challenges.
REWRITING THE RULES (AND THE LABELS)
When you describe a product, think about how it feels, not just what it does. Instead of saying, “This is a flogger,” you might say, “This delivers a rhythmic, thudding sensation that’s more like a deep massage than a sting.” Instead of “This is a ball gag,” you might say, “This can add a layer of playful surrender to your scene.” And yes, you can go a little overboard with descriptive words, because the more sensations you can name, the more you can help someone imagine themselves using it. Ticklish. Feathery. Heated. Anchored. Thudding. Pulsing. Jolting. Grounding.
One of my go-to responses when someone asks, “Is that for [this]?” is simple: “The brand didn’t market it specifically for that, but there are eight billion people in the world. I guarantee you thousands have used it just for that.” As long as you’re following basic safety rules—like never putting anything without a flared base inside your rectum—your imagination is your best accessory. Sometimes the most satisfying uses of a product are the ones the manufacturer never saw coming.
THE UNPLANNED UPSELL
Often couples come in looking for massage oil. While showing them the shelf, I will casually pick up a feather tickler and joke, “You know, this makes massages 10 times more distracting.” They laugh, try it on each other’s arms, and within minutes we’re building an entire “massage night” kit—oils, ticklers, blindfolds, even a cute piece of lingerie.
They came in for a $20 bottle of oil and left with a $150 date-night box. Not because I “sold” them something they didn’t need, but because I helped them imagine an experience they didn’t know they wanted until that moment.
CURIOSITY IS CONTAGIOUS
Not every sale comes from you doing the explaining. Some of the best moments happen when you give customers space to share their knowledge. A man once came in to buy an electro-play kit. I admitted I’d only tried one once and wasn’t an expert, and asked him what he liked about it. Twenty minutes later, I’d learned more about electro play than any manufacturer brochure could have taught me. When you let customers become the experts, they feel seen and valued, and you walk away with new knowledge you can share with the next curious person who asks.
If you take anything from this, let it be this: Every “What’s that for?” is an invitation. Not just to explain a product, but to invite someone into a bigger, more exciting world. To help them see that “weird” is just “wonderful” from another angle. The awkward moment is never the end of the conversation, it’s the beginning of discovery, and if you can meet it with curiosity, empathy and a little playfulness, you might just turn that question into their new favourite story.
Alexandra Bouchard is the Marketing Manager for BodiSpaB2B.
